part deux....

Zan and Zurin doing 16-shots poses..haha fun fun fun!!! Long live my Nikon camera..

The black bitches of NAFA...hur hur...

im freaking addicted to SIMS 2...help help help.......................
was up the whole nyte yesterday trying to complete my assignments...torturous manz!!! Wonder how bad year 2 will be.

Quote of the day: "Woman by birth, Bitch by choice!"

hehe got it from my classmate's keychain...

ok people im not suffering from dengue so thank heavens!!!
but my rash is still visible so cant wear skirt for the time being....

sch been pretty fun. my classmates are cool and most lessons are not from snoreville. Busted my bank a few times these 2 weeks so my heart is healing....$150 for a 72set colour pencils...gasp!!!

Now at walter's place doing me research for this word assignment thingy. Like what is 'Babushka' , 'Applique' etc and how to pronounce it...damn farking hard lah trying to find the appropriate webbie. But so far so good...

ok then back to me hwk...cant believe im doing hwk..haha...dun even bothered doing it in sch..haha how time changes you eh....

Fishing is THE new therapy.
The feeling of being able to control one's life is exhilirating especially if one's own life is out of control.
To kill or not to kill...that is the question.
hahaha....

Totally bummed out when i discovered Kumar's not performing tmw! Hmmmph...been planning to use this time to catch up with the gang. Oh well next week then!

Sch is commencing in 2 weeks time...im pissing in me pants! soooooooo nervous..wonder what kind of ppl i will encounter and what abt my classmates? I hope i wun meet those snobbish rich brats who speak in fake accents and talk with its nose in the clouds. Most importantly i hope i feel at home and welcomed.

ok i think ever since my long break from blogging im experiencing some sort of "blog-block". its not as effortless as before to share my feelings. Guess i gotta practice. ..yawnz...

fine im logging out now. got a book to read. Love the show C.S.I but wonder what i would feel reading its book. Shall comment on it once im done...

Till next week then....

btw: I love love love my blogskin..hahaha...mermaid is soo me!!! (ok that sound so bimbo-istic..whats wrong with u Zan?!?!)

Moulin Rouge
VS
Shakespeare In Love

Fell in Love with shakespeare over the weekend. Romance is dead along with him. This show makes "A walk to remember" groupies like crybabies.
Moulin Rouge has a competitor!! *horrors*
So is there anymore movies/plays that can make my heart weep and make me believe in everlasting, unconditional L-O-V-E? Bring it on!
And pass on the kleenex please.

working as a sales executive sucks. period.
my dad called it a "no-brainer" job and for the first time i soo totally agree with him.
i dun think i study so far to just be a salesperson for the rest of my miserable life.
i think im far more capable for greater things.

NAFA is so much costly than i've expected.
dunno how to cope sia.

damn everything else.

i cant imagine how desperate a person can be i.e. ME to want to use the internet since i do not access to one at home. so here i am in Macdonalds at Great World City using the FREE internet surfing! haahaha....

Zara is tough physically for me. Cuz i soo long never work for long hours standing up and walking around. AND REALLY LONG LONG LONG hours. Then they have all the great looking clothes i wanna buy but no cash to spare. Imagine ah all the money i work for in the end go back to the company! How ironic. Bad also they have no staff discount. damn.

Im saving up! Bangkok here i come!!

Ok Zan enough of all the serious stuff. SOOO SERIOUS all the time. To all my friends, here's some jokes I got from this "ancient" book of humour I stumbled upon my bookshelf. What a treasure! Took out some of the funny ones.
So sit back and enjoy to release the pressure of the impending doom aka exams.
Have fun reading because I did typing it! Hehe.

On Marriage:

* Marriage is very much like a violin: after the sweet music is over, the strings are still attached.

* Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see wat the other fellow has, you wished you had ordered that.

* A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it."

* When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

* Two men met- one said, "My wife is an angel"
The other man replied, "You’re lucky; mine is still alive."

* Two friend met in a bar and one asked the other: "Do you ever speak to ur wife when making love?"
His friend replied,"Only if she phones."

* Wife: (lying sick in bed): Honey if I die, will you marry again?
Husband: Well, its not easy to answer ur question. You see, if I say yes – you’ll get angry. If I say no – she will get angry!

* They are a happily married couple. They married each other for better or for worse. She couldn’t find anything better – He couldn’t find anything worse.

Of Women and Men:

* Women buy one size smaller to show everything. Men buy one size larger to hide everything.

* A successful man is one who can earn more money than his wife can possibly spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man.

* Men are impatient. They always like women to do things in a hurry – Dress and Undress.

Of Doctors and Patients:

* The doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off her clothes and then send the bills to her husband.

* A doctor sent a bill to his patient. Underneath the bill he wrote: "This bill is now one year old."
Back came the reply: "Happy Birthday!"

* A man was injured in a terrible car accident. After 2 days in coma he woke up. The surgeon standing beside his bed said, "I've bad news and good news for you. The bad new is I’ve cut up your good leg by mistake."
"Oh my God," said the shocked patient,"now tell me the good news fast."
"The good news – your bad leg is getting better."

* A doctor examined his patient and gave him six months to live. The poor man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six month.

* A little boy asked his father, "Dad, why do doctors wear masks at operations?"
The father replied," They have to, son; if something goes wrong, nobody can identify them."

Of lawyers and Judges

* Have you heard of a lawyer who got his client a suspended sentence? That's right, they hanged him.

* Accused: Your honour, I assure you I wasn't drunk, I was drinking.
Judge: Well, in that case I will not give you one month in jail. I will give you only 30 days.

Of secretaries:

* When a married man is late for dinner, either his wife is a poor cook or he has a blonde secretary.

At the Bar:

* A bartender put up a new sign at his bar: "If you are drinking to forget – then please pay in advance."

That’s all folks!

American Beauty

(Beware this is the most longest post I’ve ever attempted and its all about me. Yes me, myself and I. This post is a sort of psychological therapy for me so its NOT compulsory for u guys to read. It will make no sense nonetheless. Who tried, Good Luck! =P )

These past few weeks of isolation still do give me the kind of answers I’ve been seeking for. My future still looks bleak. Usually I’ll tell people that I'm that kind of person who does not live by the rules and take life a step at a time (which I believe I still do!). But unconsciously, back in the deep far-end corner of my mind, I know I'm planning. You see, ever since I was young I've been actually creating this mold, this sort of perfect world I want to live in. This mold forms into the shape of me and I've actually planned things that should or should not happen to me. ESPECIALLY the kind of life I crave, dreamt about.

Yes many of you should know I do not want to get married. Why? Because I’m so darn afraid of commitments and attachments and I’m fickle though it does not show as I have the same bf for 3 years. I'm very happy and he’s my core of happiness. Will I see him together with me in the future? Maybe. I certainly do not mind. But will he mind? Sometimes I wonder whether I'm good enough for him. Sometimes I wonder is there anyone better than him? (though at this moment I cant find any..phew!) Honestly he's not exactly the type of guy I've always dreamt about. My type of guy would be arty-farty like me, loves to travel, verbally-challenged, talented, crazily romantic because I am and eccentric. Funny how walter fits only half of the image of my "perfect boyfriend". Sometimes it is funny how you dream about something so much but when its opposite of what you dream for, you're still satisfied. Walter's very family-oriented and I do not blame him. But that's the problem with these people, FAMILY comes first always and something he once said disturbed me for months in this relation. I'm not gonna say what it was but those words killed me and I started having doubts. Am I to blame for my doubts and does it affects my future with him? The latter scares me that's why I’m living in denial about this part of my life. Ideally no man wants a woman who will not bore him a child of his own. Lets make this clear I do not want to have kids of my own I do not desire looking at myself in a huge tummy (apart from my already apparent huge fats around my tummy haha) and suffer afterwards. Adoption is the new BIRTH! Haha. I've enough of looking after kids ever since my brother were born. Haha, truthfully they left a mental scar. Yes THAT serious. In time I MAY want kids but definitely not in the near future or this lifetime. See, which guy would actually want me now!?! Haha. If walter leaves me I will not blame him. I’m destined to live as an old maid and I've prepared for it. Haha. BOOHOO!

Secondly, I intend to migrate. I've never feel at home in Singapore. Never. Reason is I do not feel warmth like I should. I do not feel accepted and most of the time I could not understand the culture. I know many have said, "Hiya you say only, later you go other country you sure cannot adapt one" or "Here so safe and secure, you'll definitely regret and come back" or "Holiday over there (where I wanna go) of course lah nice but you live there will be different one". That's why! Here is so safe and secure. Everything seems planned in life. No sense of adventure no feeling of magic. Everything's rushed and everything is correct. Is it wrong if I yearn for finding a place not only do I feel accepted but also one where I'll love. It's a big world out there. Will they accept me? Maybe I read too many books, that's why I imagine and dream too much. Currently I'm setting my sight on New York. I want to work there till my heart contend, learn and find the American Dream. Then retire and see the world possibly learn about Europe and its history. Stupid history war lesson about Germany, Italy and Russia made me curious. The culture and history is soo rich I'll just learn and learn and then die in a small cottage overlooking a lake and mountain somewhere in Europe. And it should snow because I hate hot weathers. Haha. Go ahead protest everyone like I've ever give a damn. What Im afraid though is to leave everyone I love behind. Oh shucks that's another problem for another time. That is if everything I want comes true!

Sometimes people ask me why am I so ashamed of my culture? The colour of my skin? I should be prepared to face a world who does not accept MY yellow skin, my religion. So why do I crave the white world so much? Well the ans is not the colour but the mind. And guiltily also the influence I have from the media. Freedom is my answer. Not tied up to Chinese/malay/asian culture-vulture in Singapore. The freedom of speech and mind where people shall understand. Where mountains, nature looks like heaven and is heaven. Where Arts and History is so rich that it'll take a lifetime and even more to discover its secrets. Every breath and beat of the heart will be well spent.
I’ll gladly travel to the moon if there live such a perfect place and not because only whites live there. Geddit?

You know what I’m afraid? That my dreams, my ambitions will not be fulfilled. Or I might regret my decision. That 10 years, 20 years, 30 years down the road Im still stuck in Singapore. You guys may still remember me along the way and may mock me and taunt me and I'll truly feel the sorriest. Nonethless I'll try and try and try. Till my last breath I'll make sure I'll never give up! Because I will die with a smile on my lips even if I make it or not.

Yup that's all important to me. Love and life and my everlasting search for happiness. I'm no poet so cant describe how beautiful life actually is in context of words. Opportunities will always be there and God will guide me because I know he loves me that's why he himself set these obstacles and I'll be strong.(Wow Zan what cheesy words you've conjured! Impressive! Haha) I think a person will learn if he/she were ever in a brink of death. Im only 20 years old and I've survived! Give me another 20! Hehe.

To those who may faced a similar situation, Do not ever look back. Come on be brave and look out of the box. I swear there'll be something you'll love!

Life is like a box of chocolates, You'll NEVER know what you're gonna get. Hehe.

So here's to life and dreams. Cheers!

Blood Countess, a novel by Andrei Codrescu.

Got this book from NP library and I can only describe one word for those who plan to borrow it, DISGUSTING!
Initially I was quite attracted by it because it was displayed on a stand and the story seems interesting in a sadistic type of way. So I thought "Hey! This might be the new Anne Rice" whom by the way is my favourite author/dreamer/vampire/gothic bitch. Hmm but I was sooo wrong! It's sick sick sick and the craziest part is, it's bloody real! It's a damn true story. Highly recommended for people who like cheem books and cheem endings which doesn't make sense.

Since im bored to death and wanna practice my typing I'll be honoured to share you guys the story.
So here's the synopsis:

Countess Elizabeth Bathory of Hungary (1560-1613) was beautiful, well educated in the best tradition of the Renaissance, and wealthy beyond measure. She was a powerful woman in a century of powerful women: her namesake, Queen Elizabeth, was her contemporary. Her court of Servar Castle hosted artists, scientists, poets and musicians, but also witches, astrologers, alchemists and poisoners. She was the subject of poems and paintings. She was loved and admire. But she was also complex, tormented, and perverse. And she may have been the most dreadful murdress in recorded history.
Upon assuming her seat of power at the age of sixteen, the Countess set out upon a course of revelry and debauchery, aided by her spiritual advisor, Darvulia, and her faithful bevy of overwrought maids. Eventually, time and an excess of increasingly bizarre pleasures led the Countess to fear the loss of her beauty. She was advised by her witches to take baths in the blood of virgins to regenerate her body. A long procession of young girls was "chosen" to spend the night with Elizabeth. Sometime they were lavishly entertained, wrapped in silks, and perfumed with rare oils before they were tortured and murdered by their mistress. At other times, the girls were killed so quickly so that fresh blood would flow over the frenzied Countess. Other young women-not yet sacrificed-played musical instruments at these deadly orgies. Six hundred and fifty young women are said to have died in the Countess's castles.
Countess Elizabeth Bathory's direct descendent, Drake Bathory-Kereshtur, is a Hungarian émigré living in New York near the end of the twentieth century. He considers himself a failure at life. His relationships with women have been disasters. He is haunted by the Hungary of his youth, which he had to flee during the Hungarian revolution of 1956. After the collapse of Communism, he returned to Hungary to find his youth, but found instead something a lot more horrifying: the pervasive presence of his ancestors, Countess Bathory. When he returns to the United States, he confesses to a hideous crime before a New York magistrate. This exquisite novel is told through Drake's eyes, as he searches for his roots and comes to terms with this gruesome part of his family history.

See lah the synopsis very promising right? Too bad the puny brain of mine could not comprehend the story. Very literary. So those who had read the book or planning to read it after this please be kind and explain to me what the hell is going on? Haha .Bloody hell I’m turning into a bookworm and I LOVE IT! Reading RULEZ! Haha

Do I care? At all?

Walter keep saying I dunno how to take care of my things. Huh? Yes I maybe a mega lazy bum ass but I do take care of my things. Well at least I TRY to. Hmmmmm. Ok he starts to make sense now. I AM A CERTIFIED LAZY BUM ASS whatever. I DUN ALWAYS take care of my things. Examples?
Ok my earrings keep losing its partner, my rooms a mess and it'll take more than a typhoon to clear it up, my CDs always missing, my things always spoil, my phone always hit the ground, lose my things, blah blah and the list goes on.
Instead of saying I’m ignorant I rather rephrase it to "clumsy" or "forgetful". I think I have slight emotional attachments to the things around me? I do care ok just that Butter-Fingers is such a specialty of mine. Instead of having THE Minas touch I have the ZAN touch. Everything rots and breaks instead of turning gold!! (Literally of course if it does turn Gold I wun still be here will I? hehe lame.)

So what also if I DO NOT wear makeup and DO NOT wear nice-nice cute lil dresses and tops OR DO NOT diet. I like the way I look k. I know Im not thin. Though Im not super-duper love how I look but I definitely accept it with open arms. If I can accept myself why cant you accept me? So I hate it when people say 'if u dress up u’ll look prettier" those sort of crap. I’m a tomboy but Im definitely NOT a butch. I think as long as I wear something than walking around in my birthday suit then people should just shove their opinions in my BIG FAT ARSE! Haha. Dun mess with me!

And another thing is, this is a growing problem and I gotta admit. My parents wanna sent me to Grooming school, my brothers think Im a guy in a girl's body. COME ON! I’m a girl ok. I LOVE HOT GUYS!! Haha. The point is, I really need to cut down my erm boyish, crudish "charms". But how to start when I've been like this since young? So the walk and talk gotta go. I walk like a boy dammit! Haha. But I gotta admit Im far more comfortable around guys than girls. Sometimes I dun get girls though I’m one myself! Haha. I dunno I get damn quiet around them like as if Im scared anything out from my mouth will offend them or something. Like "pretty little vases" I’m so damn scared to break.

Ok Im gonna go out of point but I gotta say this. Whats wrong with guys nowadays? Especially Singaporean guys?(ok except for some I know, u guys are exceptional cuz ur my frenz. Hehe) Why are u attracted to meek girls who wears makeup and muz muz muz be petite or thin or something? If I become single I tell you I'll never be able to ever get a date in this part of the world. Why are most guys I know so shallow?!? So these might not be true, I may have this problem brought up by myself? Hmmm.
You gotta understand, living in an asian country where everywhere I turn I see Chinese people, petite people, I might say I dun fit in at all! We also THINK differently that's why I tell ya I dun feel at home here in this country. People cant accept me or ME cant accept myself? I really dunno the ans. Im VEXED!! I really am tired of trying to fit in that I completely decided to HIDE. I give up lah. Haha.

Im beginning to sound like a freak and thats not very good isn't?
Ok I'll shut up now or this post will go on and on.

P.S: Shopping in Singapore sucks sucks sucks especially for people my height and size. I cant get tops I like that I CAN fit and shoes that CAN fit. Im born with a plastic spoon so shopping in European boutique every weekend is a no-no. WHY!?!?! AArrgggghh.

WHAT CAN I DO!?!?

well it sucks not to have internet at home and it seems pretty crazy to go all the way to NP just to surf the Net! So since im in sch now why not just update me blog even though i have nothing fruitful to say! haha...I'll start with:

1) Being 20 years old for a week sucks still cuz my parents still treat me like i'm 13. I can go home after 12, i cant stay overnight at fren's house, i cant do this, i cant do that.....aaarghhh...By the time i'm 21 years old i'll make sure i have my freedom!!! humph...

2) Do not even bother to watch the movie White Noise...please...really dun bother...i give up watching ghost movies now after watching this show..dun even bother critic it now.

3) I've decided to go to NAFA Fashion marketing. Went to the sch last Fri. Damn cool lah the place. They had a fashion show when we went and the models are very good-looking lah. Thin thin ad more thin. Their bfs i guess are models too. Sigh why do good-looking ppl only attracts the good-looking ones?!? Life is so unfair........hahahaha..........

4) I still wanna watch Disney on Ice even though i told him i dun wanna go. I'm too broke for words...i hate being broke....

5) Please someone recommend me a part-time job!!! haha...

ok im being such a whiny b*tch now. This is what happens when a person eats and sleeps and read, eats and sleeps and read for the past weeks. I'm slowly evolving into a mental retard if this cycle continues any longer. Someone SAVE ME! haha....

Take care world!

my BIG 2-0

woke up yesterday by mum and shock me by saying she wanted to get me a gift for my bdae! OMG my sorta FIRST gift from her. She shock me even more when she said she wanna cook chilli crab!!! haha...i love crabs!!!

So we went to the market, got some slimy live crabs!! EEww they even move in the plastic bag on the way home!!! then we drop by this jewellery store. Initially she wanted to get Gold necklace for me but i refused! Gold is for oldies!! haha so after a few irritating persuasion from this really irritating salesman we settled for a white gold necklace with pendant. Its so bloody light im so scared i might lose it w/o knowing!!!

then dear called and said he will be going to KTV with us! WOOOPIEE!!! initially he dun wanna go cuz he's schedule is tight but then i guess he'll feel guilty if he didnt attend this important day! hahaha...

we met and we had the crabs for dinner. Since poor him cant come over my house so we have to eat the crabs on the 12th floor of my block! haha he said we feel like 'bangladesh'..haha but i think its romantic!!!

then rush down to Partyworld woodlands for me mini celebration. Actually its supposed to have me and bee and estar only. I HAD A FARKING SHOCK! YES! SHOCK! when midway karaoke Deb and Haddad came in with a bdae cake! OMG i didnt expect them at all cuz i know they HATE karaoke..haha..the cake was lovely rich chocolate with krispy bottom! YUMMY!!! my first cake for a verry long time i cant even remember my last. Thank you guys for taking ur time to plan this despite ya busy schedule.

I had a great time and i wun trade it for anything else. My friends and love ones will always be my first priority.

Once again thank you for being beside me when i turn 2-0. Lets start planning for the 2-1 ya! hehe...

Woohoo...set up my own pic gallery!!
ok to go there just click the box on the right which says "PICS".
so far only have a few galleries...i'll add on more..i have lotsa pix!!!
yes Deb i'll try my best to add the 100 over pix we took at Thumper. haha...
But i dun have all the pix so we gotta meet up again to take it from ur lappie...
cya!

Zan's Fact from A - Z:

1. A - Are you Male or Female?
Female
2. B - Band listening to right now?
The Breakfast Club!! haha...ok evanescence too...yeah i know a bit old school...
3. C - Career in future?
hiyo i'm not sure leh....still confused!!
4. D - Drink or smoke?
Neither Nor.
5. E - Easiest person/s to talk to?
Estar i guess?
6. F - Favorite song/s at the moment?
this is hard i love lotsa songs...i'm more of back-tracking than listening to new songs..Yes old songs are great!! More soul more "feeling"..however my discman keep spinning 'Breakaway' by Kelly Clarkson..hmmm..wonder why ah..hehe..
7. G - Gummy Bears or Gummy worms?
Gummy ANYTHING!!!
8. H - Have you ever had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Yesh....currently HAS!
9. I - Instruments?
Ok this is pathetic but i can play a few percussion instruments since i'm from sch band. And struggling to learn guitar.
10. J - Jam on bread?
EEEwww......Peanut butter plz!
11. K - Kids?
NONE. NEVER!
12. L - Longest ride ever?
To sch i guess...hahaha...thats how i feel!!
13. M - My favorite sport?
Badminton! haha...i DUN do sports...but keen to learn..BUT lazyness is holding me dowwwnnnnnnnnnn.........
14. N - Number of siblings?
None...only pet monkeys...
15. O - Obssessive?
HOW the hell would i know?!?
16. P - Phobias?
Enclosed space and darkness.....tendency to hear things in my head...oh and the sea although i love the idea of mermaids!! haha...i'll never go more than knee deep in the sea....HELP ME!!
17. Q - Favourite Quote?
"I LOVE IT!!" for now lah.
18. R- Reason to smile?
My boyfriend. I'm a happy woman.
19. S - Song you last sang?
erm...sarah machlachlan's 'World on Fire"..i think thats the title not too sure...check out the mtv damn sad lah...
20. T - time you woke up?
btwn 11am to 12pm...
21. U - Unknown fact about you?
I'm not always happy...and im shy...and i stutter when i'm shy or scared...and I CANT sing though i act like i can..haha...
22.V - Vegetable/Fruit you hate?
Beansprout....cucumber....YuCKS!
23. W - Worst habit?
Over-thinking and Over-analysing things.....
24. X - X-rays you've had?
stupid qn.
25. Y - Yummy food/s?
I love carbohydrates. I indulge in 'em....its a diet SIN!!
26. Z - Zodiac sign?
Im a true Pisces. Love Beauty, love arts, sensitive and creative. haha...

There u go. Yes i'm extremely bored..yawnz...borrowed Cinderella Story vcd..watching it soon...though i'm not fond of Hillary Duff i love fairytale endings...
Where's my prince in shining armour i'm waiting.....

Quote of the day:
"we should be nice to retarded people..they're already retarded so let's not make fun of them."

got this from bryan's blog.

Love it!

found this show while im surfing online. Oh gosh the guys are sooo incredibly hotter than the weather now!! Hope channel 5 will air this.
the following pics are my fav. These guys are beautiful.....though i already know the winner..hehe let me just keep this element of surprise from u guys and go find it out urself!
In the meantime.....ENJOY!! hehe...