so here's what happened a few days ago which made me feel really guilty.

i was at the bus interchange waiting for my bus when i saw her. (no...not the other HER estar! haha) She was a close friend of mine in secondary school. Were very close for 3 years when we eventually move away from each other. I didnt fancy her lifestyle then and till now i dun. I shall call her R. here if i may ya. So what happened was i didnt saw her initially so i sat at this sit beside her. When i eventually did recognize her, she saw me too and i think she gave me a faint smile. i gave her a weird look and turn my head away. i was too shocked for words. i didnt turn back and i totally ignore her the entire ride. i could sense her awkwardness but i could not even muster a "Hello how are you"....

aaaarghhh...what am i supposed to do then? we didnt fight and break up..we just went our seperate ways naturally. last i heard she got married and had a baby...its not that im like so proud or wat but it just seemed so hard to even ask her how her life is u know? we had a past...maybe the past just stays in the past ya?
however this does not stopped me from feeling extremely ashamed of myself.

here's my 2 cents worth on this movie;

I went to the movie with high expectation as im a fan of Jennifer Weiner (author of the book of the same name). However it all fall flat. The movie is too long and whiney and the actors are not expressive enough. Who said Diaz can act? humphh! Its like Jennifer Aniston in Derailed. Stick to ur day job and just make us laugh babes. Oh did i mention Diaz has a great body? sigh...those who just wanna watch her half naked most of the time i strongly recommend this show. The only saving grace of the show is by this old granny whom i dunno the name. No not their grandma lah. Its this bitchy granny...she's the one with great one-liners! hah...

If ur gonna pay $19 to watch the movie like i did then just buy the book lah.

2.5/5 popcorns. (1 for the bitchy nenek, 1 for the script, 0.5 for the showcase of hundreds of amazing shoes..)

a new year a new start eh!!

what fantabulous ride i've been thru the past few months.
sch's great me results not bad.
still broke still angst.
what made me start doing me blog again?
lets just say i have many friends on the web.
i want UPDATES and i wanna give them my updates.
i miss them lah.........
(yes my NP gangbang...haha...)

Keep in touch yeah!!!

=)

Went to some Indo restaurant yesterday cuz it was my gram's 69th birthday. So finally after many years my family actually sat down and had dinner together in the proper manner. Felt pretty weird lah having to share food with everyone blah blah. I feel like im sinking into isolation day by day. Firstly, I found out that I hate family dinner. I hate sharing a dish with so many people. Let me get this straight, Zan does not share food. Only when she offers then u are eligible otherwise u are not encouraged. This applies with drinks. Ya ya u guys can say all things about me but im just like that k. Then I found out that I hate birthdays. Its farking overrated. I think people who celebrate it are people who’s ego are as huge as the universe cuz it is an excuse for them to behave like some freaking emperor. They just want people to worship them and wanna hear compliments abt them. Haha shameless...

Hmm...I think I stepped over the line here ya...shut up before u get into any more trouble Zan...

For me, birthdays are to commemorate mothers all over the world. My mum had to tahan 10 months of me in her womb, excruciating labour pains and subsequently the torture of giving birth. So on my birthday, it does not belong to me, but to my mum.

Bitchiness aside, the only good thing that comes out of birthdays are the fresh cream birthday cakes. Hahaha...

OMG did I just saw Jon Jonsson on TV again? He's in that Villa Wellness programme!! Saw the damn trailer about prince charming blah blah... and he's in a bath tub with those girls..with his top off!! DAMN DAMN DAMN...why the hell didn't I know about the audition for this show? It's all about fat girls losing weight right? Hello!...IM FAT!!! I WANNA JOIN THE SHOW AND BE IN A BATHTUB WITH JON JONSSON!!!

Aaaargh...ok maybe not lah...I'll wear my clothes cuz if he sees Zan in a bikini he'll go blind...
haha...in a bad way lah of course...and I dun want him to go blind...I want him to see me...U know what I'll say to him if he ever see me?...I want to look into his eyes and say "You are the epitome of beautiful" and "If I am ever gonna lose my eyesight, the last portrait I'll draw is yours…"
( Actually a month ago if u ask me this qn what if I go blind I'll ans that I'll draw walter's face. But now...no way am I ever gonna draw him again...hmmph...)

Ok I just watched an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S where Joey uses a Thesaurus to make his letter look more cheem. Very hilarious I tell ya. And since im bored out of my wits I decided to play with the Thesaurus in Microsoft words.

Original text:

Zan had a rough day today. All she did was eat and sleep and wander around the house. It was very stressful for her as she kept thinking what she has to do next. In the end she decided to clean the house, do her homework, nag at her brothers and finally go day-dreaming.


Thesaurus text:

Zan had a brutal time today. Entirely she did was gobble and have forty winks and digress on all sides of the domicile. It was vastly taxing for her as she kept accepted wisdom what she has to do subsequently. Ultimately she unequivocal to immaculate the abode, execute her grounding, plague at her brothers afterward irrevocably go vagueness.


Haha its really fun though it doesn’t really made sense!!! Recommended for people who are REAALLLY bored.

BANG im dead!

Wah finally had my hair cut. Damn intense lah cuz me really wanted to do bangs but the condition of my hair are not suitable so I pondered for months. In the end I gave in cuz I couldn’t stand my current one anymore. Actually my classmate was the one who gave me the push when she asked me how long had I had my hairstyle and I realized that its been THREE bloody long years. I need a change, just like Jude Law!

People, please be a dear when u meet me on the streets and when u see my new do. Even if it looks bloody hilarious try not to laugh like there’s no tmw k. Read my previous post if u ask why.

So I gave him the present liao. Sad to say he did not like it. I meant, he did not said it openly but he did not said he like it either. Neither did he said he loves it nor said it is the sincerest, thoughtful gift he had ever received. The reaction was hearty laughters (yes he laughed so long even) and he even said that the portrait did not look like him. Not even close. Needless to say I was crushed. Never had I put in so much effort for a gift and those are the responses? To think the many drafts and ideas and hrs/weeks of preparing all went down the drain. At least lie lah. The disgusted face was pretty obvious. Worse was when he start criticizing. He has the cheek to ask me to draw him again during my third year and compare. What the fark right. Indirectly he is saying im lousy and unprofessional. Even worse was he showed me a black/white portrait of him taken in those machines and said if I do it exactly like that then nice. Lagi-lagi worse is he said wasted he never show it to me earlier then I can steal it and draw the replica and he pretend he doesn’t know. U tell me how I dun feel insulted and embarrassed and stupid. There are more but im too wasted to type.

Different artists do different things to a similar object k. So what if mine does not portray a perfect mirror image of him? In my eyes he looks like that. My interpretation of him is different from a machine. Im human and I see his flaws and perfections and that is how I draw.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Stupid but nonetheless true. Since he did not respect and appreciate it, I took it back. That is the only way I can have my ego returned. With promises of a normal, better gift. And of course after I tear up and told him I might throw it away, he begged that he wants it back now. But how could I? It is obvious he did it out of sympathy. So I stood firm and brought it home. Funny how heavy it felt when I carried it back. Where will it go now? Lets just say it is now stashed secretly in a dark corner of my wardrobe where it will never again see the light of day.

I had forgiven him but this will never be forgotten.

So yesterday I took a cab from yishun to ang mo kio to send walter the bbq things and I've been very "fortunate" to met this really "pantang" driver. As u all know it's the Hungry Ghost Festival and from the mouth of the donkey, "This is the month where the hell gates open and all the spirits are allowed to wander". U know, like a holiday or something. Then my bloody mouth have to tell him that Singapore must be pretty damn crowded lah for the spirits cuz its damn small and millions have died since the evolution of mankind. Then I continued by saying maybe they went overseas lah where the grass is greener and the plane ticket is free. WRONG MOVE ZAN!!! WRONG MOVE!!!

He began to then yap about why I must believe that this festival is ALL REAL and that he had friends of friends of friends of the uncle cousin dog owner thingy who had experienced some sort of poltergeist shit. Ok ok it is all scary so please shut the fark up. What makes it worse was he began saying things like," Its Hungry Ghost Festival and u guys can still bbq? U know people will be praying and the soot of the burning papers will likely kena the bbq food. And u know ah Chinese believes that blah blah blah blah...oh so here is ur destination...better tell ur friend to pray ah for the wandering ghosts...so it'll be $7.20 please...remember ok must respect...."

That's when im already out of the cab and had slam the door shut. Brrr...wonder which is scarier...ghosts or bitching taxi drivers.

this is the phone that me bro just got. A black motorola V3. Im jealous like shit now. It's such a "WOW" phone. But where am i gonna get $538?!?!?! U know how he got the money? From charity..the sch gave him $1000 to help him with his studies but he used it to get himself a damn nice bling. Lucky bitch......

Whats up with birthdays?!?
Today is my mum 56th birthday...yup she is old...funny how people always think that im the youngest in the family when in fact im the oldest when they look at my mum and dad...this is what happens if u start a family at 36 years old..hmmm......NAH!
Walter's birthday is tmw and i screwed up his present...haha...Zan when ur not an artist ur not an artist..no point forcing urself to be one....and boy am i regretting this....now i have no present and equally no cash...perfecto!

Gosh im getting worse with this blog thingy....absolutely no aim ..no direction....nothing to say...nothing to bitch.....oh my god im getting BORING! haha....

Bitch...hmm...bitch....so far so good im very contented with my life. Im actually pretty happy right now...currently doing fine in me studies..blah..blah....

Oh u know weijian (the ex-president of NP song-composing club) is in the semi-finals...im so happy for him...he's really talented and i think he'll go far in this industry. So people VOTE for him....

This is it! I soooo totally need to buck up with my blog posts....people like Xiaxue and co. are totally getting naked and getting more fans....Me? U guys wanna see me with me clothes off?!?! HAHA..not a chance people...bleurgh....

be back sooooon......

part deux....

Zan and Zurin doing 16-shots poses..haha fun fun fun!!! Long live my Nikon camera..

The black bitches of NAFA...hur hur...

im freaking addicted to SIMS 2...help help help.......................
was up the whole nyte yesterday trying to complete my assignments...torturous manz!!! Wonder how bad year 2 will be.

Quote of the day: "Woman by birth, Bitch by choice!"

hehe got it from my classmate's keychain...

ok people im not suffering from dengue so thank heavens!!!
but my rash is still visible so cant wear skirt for the time being....

sch been pretty fun. my classmates are cool and most lessons are not from snoreville. Busted my bank a few times these 2 weeks so my heart is healing....$150 for a 72set colour pencils...gasp!!!

Now at walter's place doing me research for this word assignment thingy. Like what is 'Babushka' , 'Applique' etc and how to pronounce it...damn farking hard lah trying to find the appropriate webbie. But so far so good...

ok then back to me hwk...cant believe im doing hwk..haha...dun even bothered doing it in sch..haha how time changes you eh....

Fishing is THE new therapy.
The feeling of being able to control one's life is exhilirating especially if one's own life is out of control.
To kill or not to kill...that is the question.
hahaha....

Totally bummed out when i discovered Kumar's not performing tmw! Hmmmph...been planning to use this time to catch up with the gang. Oh well next week then!

Sch is commencing in 2 weeks time...im pissing in me pants! soooooooo nervous..wonder what kind of ppl i will encounter and what abt my classmates? I hope i wun meet those snobbish rich brats who speak in fake accents and talk with its nose in the clouds. Most importantly i hope i feel at home and welcomed.

ok i think ever since my long break from blogging im experiencing some sort of "blog-block". its not as effortless as before to share my feelings. Guess i gotta practice. ..yawnz...

fine im logging out now. got a book to read. Love the show C.S.I but wonder what i would feel reading its book. Shall comment on it once im done...

Till next week then....

btw: I love love love my blogskin..hahaha...mermaid is soo me!!! (ok that sound so bimbo-istic..whats wrong with u Zan?!?!)

Moulin Rouge
VS
Shakespeare In Love

Fell in Love with shakespeare over the weekend. Romance is dead along with him. This show makes "A walk to remember" groupies like crybabies.
Moulin Rouge has a competitor!! *horrors*
So is there anymore movies/plays that can make my heart weep and make me believe in everlasting, unconditional L-O-V-E? Bring it on!
And pass on the kleenex please.